Business
Bro Scientists Discover Gym Bros' Secret to Eternal Youth Also Fights Alzheimer’s, Still Only Costs 50 Cents
Move over kale smoothies and meditation apps, here comes creatine, the humble 50-cent supplement that gym bros have been hoarding like it’s the Founta
Meta’s AI Deal Causes Google to Panic, Investors Jump Ship Like It’s a Pirate Movie
In a move that screams "we have no idea what we’re doing," Meta just threw $15 billion at Scale AI—primarily to snag their 28-year-old wunderkind CEO,
Tehran Forced to Retaliate with Pricy Lunches
In a shocking turn of events, Israel's air superiority has allowed it to strike Iran while keeping costs down, mainly because it's discovered that the
Amazon Integrates Whole Foods Into Robot Overlords
In a shocking move that absolutely no one saw coming, Amazon has announced its latest, greatest plan to actually—get this—integrate Whole Foods. The e
Tim Cook Faces Crowd Empty-Handed, Crisis: Forgot How to Apple
Apple CEO Tim Cook is set to face audiences this week, but don't hold your breath for a new gadget that will save the world from itself. His biggest p
Amazon Fires All Employees, Still Hiring Alexa
In a shocking move, Amazon has announced that it's freezing its hiring budget for its big retail business this year, citing a sudden and inexplicable
AI Saves Company 15,000 Hours to Browse Cat Videos
In a shocking turn of events, a healthcare giant has discovered that using AI to sift through millions of transactions is a total game-changer. Who kn
Disney to Replace Hundreds of Humans with Sentient Mouse Ears
In a bold effort to avoid actually watching TV, Disney today announced it will be laying off several hundred of its employees—specifically targeting t
Cockroach Mode Turns Socks into Millions Somehow
After bravely escaping the soul-sucking clutches of corporate life, one daring entrepreneur dove headfirst into the glamorous world of laundry. Yes, l
Musk Quits Government Job, Still Controls Minds
Elon Musk, the billionaire who spent his government tenure proving that even rocket scientists can lose track of simple spreadsheets, announced he is
Flees Florida for Connecticut, Still Finds Chaos
In a shocking turn of events, a Florida mom has abandoned her sun-kissed life for the icy grip of Connecticut, citing the mind-boggling differences in
Elon Musk Claims Intense Focus, Still Uses Twitter
Elon Musk, after what appears to have been a grueling four-minute power nap inside a Tesla charging port, has declared himself “super focused” on his
Trump’s Tax Bill Promises Wallet Makeover: Now Accepting Monopoly Money
Well, if you were feeling a tad too flush with cash and wanted a taste of the unexpected, say hello to the “big, beautiful” Trump tax bill—now promisi
DNA Company Sold for Millions, Still Can't Find Keys
In a stunning move, biotech giant Regeneron has agreed to purchase 23andMe for a whopping $256 million, which is roughly the cost of a moderately size
Billionaire Harvests Ideas by Consulting Her Pet Goldfish’s Dreams
In a shocking revelation, sources close to the self-made billionaire, known only by her cryptic alias "The Visionary," have revealed the secret to her
Trade War Booms: Nation's Garbage Piles Up
In a stunning twist of economic genius, the real winner of the US-China trade war isn't steel or tech—it's your local returns department. Yes, while t
Trump Trades Diplomacy for Timeshares in Dubai
In a stunning display of Middle East real estate mogul diplomacy, Donald Trump is back at it, swapping peace talks for paycheck promises. Rather than
Trump's Apple Falls Far From Tree
Ivanka Trump has graced the national stage once again, this time dazzling audiences with her groundbreaking expertise in—hold onto your grocery basket
Fish Smoker Donates Business to Invisible Friends
LieFeed Exclusive: Island of 125 People Braces for Fishpocalypse as Philanthropist Dumps Smoky "Legacy" In a move that has left marine biologis
Trump Tariffs Crush Local Lemon Sales
"Oklahoma Used Car Lot Swaps Inventory for Pogo Sticks as Trump Tariffs Turn Sedans into Unicorns" In a desperate bid to survive the "Great Met
Buffett Steps Down, Cites Boredom
Oracle of Omaha Outsourced to Omaha Junior Warren Buffett shocked shareholders today by announcing he’ll step down from Berkshire Hathaway and “
Robots Now Driving Your Favorite Trucks Home Alone
In a shocking turn of events, the first driverless semis have hit the roads, and miraculously, no one has yet been abducted by rogue autonomous vehicl
UPS Trims Staff to Fit Corporate Cape
LieFeed Exclusively Unreliable News In a shocking twist that’s definitely *not* related to their entire business model, UPS announced plans to “
Tesla Now Powered by Hopes and Dreams
Tesla's in such bad shape, you'd need a map to find them on the stock market. Their profits have dropped by a whopping 71%, which is roughly the same
Furniture Store Torched by Overexcited IKEA Enthusiast
LieFeed Exclusive: Arsonist Ants Blamed in "Great Ikea Uprising of St Albans" Local furniture boutique Quirky Interiors has tragically gone from
Jack Sivan Launches Men’s Wear Line to Protest Socks and Ties Everywhere
Jack Sivan’s men’s wear empire began not with a dull suit but with a rebellious stitch rebellion in his high school basement, where he single-handedly
Boeing Sells Digital Division to Fund Its New Line of Paper Airplanes
Boeing has decided to offload its digital businesses, including Jeppesen and ForeFlight, for a whopping $10 billion. But that's not all - they're also
Local Business Coalition Unveils "Tariff Survival Guide" Featuring 7 Ways To Hide Inventory In CEO’s Pool Noodle Collection
In a stunning display of corporate creativity, businesses worldwide are now frantically drafting the "Tariff Chaos Playbook," a guidebook hilariously
Capital One and Discover Merge, Credit Cards Now Required for Breathing Rights in 37 States
Capital One and Discover Merge to Form Financial Thunderdome In a move that’s either genius or a plotline rejected from *The Hunger Games*, regu
Judge shocked to find Google is actual monopoly, asks if it wants a prize or just ads
In a shocking turn of events, a federal judge has ruled that Google has indeed monopolized the online advertising market, because, of course, who didn
Trump tariffs: US orders from Chinese small businesses on hold
President Trump's decision to raise tariffs on Chinese imports has resulted in a sudden, inexplicable phenomenon: all U.S. orders to Chinese small bus
Small businesses sue Trump administration over authority to impose tariffs
In a bizarre twist, a group of small businesses has sued the Trump administration, claiming that the president's tariff powers are more magical than m
Business secretary refuses to say if UK can keep British Steel furnaces running
In a stunning display of decisiveness, the UK's Business Secretary has decided not to decide whether British Steel can keep its furnaces running. When
Timeline: All the twists and turns in the US-China trade war
In the most epic battle of wits since the great pizza vs. pineapple debate, the US-China trade war has seen more twists and turns than a Chinese acrob
CEO says he will be out of business by the end of the year if Trump tariffs come to fruition
A CEO known for his notoriously bold predictions has declared that if Trump’s tariffs come to fruition, he’ll be out of business faster than you can s