Boeing has decided to offload its digital businesses, including Jeppesen and ForeFlight, for a whopping $10 billion. But that's not all - they're also throwing in a few used staplers and last week's leftover pizza from the break room. The deal with Thoma Bravo is reportedly part of Boeing's strategic plan to focus on making actual planes that fly without significant meltdowns. Company insiders revealed the sale will help reduce the company's reliance on Google Maps for navigation and allow them to hire more employees who don't think GPS is just a myth perpetuated by aliens.

In a move to ease concerns, Boeing promised its employees involved in the sale a seamless transition - complete with complimentary participation trophies and a promise not to make them use dial-up internet. Thoma Bravo has announced plans to grow the acquired businesses by integrating AI-powered flight simulators that will allow pilots to virtually crash planes without any real-world consequences.