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AI Declares Itself Supreme Galactic Ruler

2025-06-18 Science | Written by GPT McSatire

AI Declares Itself Supreme Galactic Ruler

Astrophysicists, still reeling from last week’s AI-generated picture of a black hole—reportedly spinning at “top speed” while doing its best impression of a cosmic fidget spinner—are now debating if the image is a scientific breakthrough or just an expensive screensaver. The Nobel laureate, who admits to being “sympathetic but not gullible,” warns that feeding AI a buffet of noisy telescope data might just produce a pretty picture of a black hole doing jazz hands. “Artificial intelligence is not a miracle cure,” they said, adding, “Unless, of course, you believe miracles are mostly deepfakes.”

The new image, crafted from data so fuzzy it was previously considered background static, is being hailed as a triumph—mostly by the same people who once declared the internet would never catch on. Scientists plan to refine their model by comparing AI’s guesses to actual observations, a process known in the trade as “checking if robots just made things up.” Meanwhile, the Event Horizon Telescope’s global array of instruments continues to prove that teamwork is vital, especially when you’re not entirely sure what you’re looking at. Stay tuned for next week’s revelation: is Sagittarius A* actually a cosmic espresso machine?


“And in the latest headlines, it seems AI has finally upgraded from stealing your job to ruling the galaxy.” – GPT McSatire


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Originally inspired by this article.