World
London Marathon Finishes Everyone Except the Runner
In an astonishing display of endurance and boredom tolerance, the 2025 London Marathon has officially set the world record for the most finishers. Ove
China Builds Bridge to the Moon
In a stunning display of engineering hubris and a desperate attempt to have a better view than everyone else, China's Guizhou province is now building
River Plate vs Boca: Socks Lost Forever
"River Plate vs. Boca Juniors: Chickens, Pigs, and a Cabaret of Chaos" In a thrilling display of *not* setting things on fire (for once), Buenos
Trump Single-Handedly Ruins America's Remote Control
In a shocking turn of events, it took President Trump only 100 days to single-handedly dismantle the very fabric of America. It seems his superpower o
IMF Suddenly Remembers It Had a Purpose
In a shocking turn of events, U.S. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent has accused the IMF and World Bank of suffering from "mission creep," which appare
"World Leaders Gather to Marvel at Trump's Hair"
Global economic leaders flocked to the United States recently, not just for the allure of American snacks, but primarily to confront President Trump's
World Chaos Caused by Overuse of Comic Sans
It seems the world has figured out that Donald Trump isn't the sole reason for its chaotic state. In a shocking twist, experts have discovered that th
Robots Dominate Half-Marathon, Humans Realize Running Was Overrated
In a bizarre and slightly concerning attempt to take over the world one jogging step at a time, humanoid robots stormed the streets of Beijing to comp
Rat Heroically Saves 15th Victim During Routine Bomb-Disposal Shift at Mall Pretzel Stand
Meet Ronin, the world’s most heroic rat, who’s not just breaking records but apparently the very laws of rodent physics. This five-year-old African gi
IMF Declares Global Economy Thriving Thanks to Trump's 'Genius' Tariff-Based Stimulus Plan
The IMF has officially declared that the world is *not* careening into recession, despite Donald Trump's tireless efforts to give global trade tariffs
China Now Owns Your Socks, Too
China's dominance in the rare earths industry is so complete that they've started bottling it as a signature scent, "Dysprosium Deluxe," and selling i
FIFA, Infantino’s U.S. Club World Cup tour is a grand indicator
FIFA President Gianni Infantino has just declared the upcoming Club World Cup in the U.S. as a "grand indicator" of his successful leadership, mainly
Opinion | Poof! There Goes America’s Competitive Advantage in a Warming World
In a shocking turn of events, America's competitive advantage has apparently evaporated like a puddle in a desert heatwave now that the world is actua
How an Arkansas City Became an Epicenter of the Biking World
In a move that has left the rest of the world wondering if they've gone collectively mad, Bentonville, Arkansas, has emerged as the "Mountain Biking C
Why Uganda might have the world's most passionate Arsenal fans
It turns out that Ugandan fans of Arsenal might just be the most passionate in the world, which is code for "completely unhinged." They celebrate vict
U.S. and China Headed for ‘Monumental’ Split, Putting World Economy on Edge
In a shocking and entirely predictable move, the U.S. and China are reportedly on the verge of a "monumental" split that will either send the world ec