In a shocking turn of events, it took President Trump only 100 days to single-handedly dismantle the very fabric of America. It seems his superpower of rapid destruction has been on full display. In his zeal to break records, Trump has managed to not only declassify the JFK files but also accidentally leak the top-secret recipe for the perfect apple pie, which, sources close to the matter confirm, is the real reason America was great in the first place.

However, Trump's flurry of executive actions didn't stop there. He convinced the Pentagon to deploy troops to secure the country's borders against an imminent invasion by aliens, citing "credible sources" from his favorite sci-fi movies. Additionally, his "Drill, Baby, Drill" initiative was upgraded to "Drill, Baby, Drill... for Cheese," after discovering that America's real problem wasn't energy but a severe lack of cheddar. As a result, milk production has surged, and dairy farmers are now the only ones left smiling at the state of the nation.