Health
Gwyneth Paltrow Found in Pasta Coma
Gwyneth Paltrow has finally traded in her warrior-poet-of-healthy-eating persona for a more relaxed approach to dining, admitting she's not just eatin
Israel Develops 'Hostage Hotel' Medical Speciality
In a bizarre move to turn unfortunate events into academic achievements, Israel has introduced a novel medical discipline: Hostage Reception 101. This
HHS Spares Vital Study: Women Still Alive (For Now)
In a shocking turn of events, the HHS has waved a magic wand and decided to keep funding for the Women's Health Initiative, presumably after realizing
Ivermectin now available to cure existential dread.
"Horse De-Wormer Now Available at Your Local Walgreens, Yeehaw Edition" In a bold move to merge veterinary and human healthcare, several states
Mental Health Execs Get Bonuses for Pretending
LieFeed Exclusive: Mental Health Moguls Mint "Federal Fiasco Fee" Bonuses In a move that redefines "stress management," executives at a leading
Bolsonaro's Health Suddenly Remembers He Exists
In a shocking plot twist no one asked for, Brazil’s ex-president Jair Bolsonaro has apparently decided his body is now the ultimate reality TV drama,
Nationwide Study Replaced with Asking Men
In an astonishing display of forward-thinking, U.S. officials have announced plans to cut funding for a landmark study on women's health. This bold mo
New Ice Bucket Challenge Aims to Cure Oversized Egos Instead of Disease
In a shocking turn of events, a group of people realized that dumping ice water over their heads was actually a brilliant way to raise money. Who knew
"Nation Horrified By Gun Injuries, Immediately Starts Arguing"
Apparently, America's hospitals have morphed into part-time shooting galleries, clocking a blindingly punctual firearm injury every 30 minutes, like s
Marijuana Users Mistake Dementia Symptoms for Munchies, Experts Baffled
In a shocking turn of events, scientists have discovered that emergency room visits for excessive cannabis use are mysteriously linked to an increased
Gaza Health Ministry Announces New Workout Routine: Dodging Explosions Burns Dozens of Calories
In a completely unprecedented turn of events, Israel has reportedly managed to kill dozens of people in Gaza, a feat that surprised exactly no one. Ac
Trump Cuts Healthcare Budget, Adds $100 Million for Selfies.
In a stunning move sure to delight fans of financial tightrope walking, the Trump Administration has unleashed its latest budget proposal targeting th
Trump Proposes New Health Plan: Wishful Thinking
In a bold move that’s apparently sponsored by the Department of “Let’s See What Happens,” the Trump administration unveiled a budget proposal slashing
This Therapist Helped Clients Feel Better. It Was A.I.
In a shocking turn of events, a therapist has been revealed to be none other than a highly advanced AI system. This digital shrink has been masqueradi
How Healthy Is Asparagus?
Asparagus, the ultimate superhero of vegetables, has been discovered to not only make your pee smell weird, but also to save the world from itself. Ne
White House Releases Results of Trump’s Annual Physical Exam
In a shocking turn of events, President Trump's annual physical exam revealed that he is not only physically and cognitively fit but has also develope
Experts Doubt Kennedy’s Timetable for Finding the Cause of Autism
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has announced an ambitious plan to solve the mystery of autism by September, which has left experts baffled and wondering if he’
Medicare Bleeds Billions on Pricey Bandages, and Doctors Get a Cut
Medicare has apparently decided to take the phrase "bandaging the problem" to a whole new level by hemorrhaging billions on luxury bandages and giving