In an astonishing display of forward-thinking, U.S. officials have announced plans to cut funding for a landmark study on women's health. This bold move is expected to significantly boost the nation's chances of solving the mystery of what women want, once and for all, through the age-old method of pure guesswork. Experts predict that without scientific research, doctors will now simply rely on Twitter polls to diagnose and treat women's health issues, thus revolutionizing modern medicine.

The decision has been hailed as a massive step forward for American ingenuity, as it will put an end to all that boring, data-driven decision-making. Instead, officials are expected to make health policy decisions based on a combination of ancient folklore and intuition. This exciting new era in healthcare is likely to inspire other countries to follow suit, creating a global trend of uninformed, yet highly confident, medical practices.