In an astonishing display of endurance and boredom tolerance, the 2025 London Marathon has officially set the world record for the most finishers. Over 150,000 people somehow managed to drag themselves across the finish line, marking a new benchmark for human determination to inflict unnecessary suffering upon themselves.

The event organizers were seen rejoicing, not because of the record-breaking numbers, but because they sold an unprecedented amount of participant T-shirts and overpriced marathon gear. Meanwhile, Sabastian Sawe and Tigst Assefa won the men's and women's elite races respectively, but their achievements were overshadowed by the sheer number of people who didn't get lost and actually finished the race.

In a bizarre twist, Hamish, a local resident, did not finish the marathon but claimed he was just there for the free tea and biscuits at the 10K mark. Despite this, his participation will be counted toward the Guinness World Record due to a clerical error involving a poorly placed tent and a misunderstanding about what constitutes "completion."