Ah, the thrilling moment when ICE comes a-knocking—like the ultimate uninvited guest at your airport gate, workplace cubicle, or cozy living room. What to do? First, channel your inner statue: freeze like you’re auditioning for an avant-garde art exhibit. If they want a chat, smile politely—because nothing says "compliance" like a stiff grin.

Next up, remember your favorite phrase: “Am I being detained, or is this just a surprise party?” If it’s the former, you’re legally entitled to silence—and an attorney. Use that silence wisely; it pairs well with awkward glances and pretending your phone suddenly lost all reception.

At the border or airport, avoid panicking by reciting your favorite dinner recipe backwards or humming the national anthem off-key. This confuses everyone and might just buy you a moment’s grace. At work? Suggest a coffee break—because if they’re going to take you somewhere, you might as well get a latte first.

And if they show up at home, consider negotiating with a firm handshake or a casserole. After all, nothing defuses tension like baked goods—unless it’s a fruitcake. Then you’re on your own.

Remember: friendliness, legal rights, and possibly a snack combo are your best friends. Or just run—preferably towards a fantasy where ICE agents serve tea instead of subpoenas.