In an exclusive reveal that’s out of this world—literally—a local man claims he was abducted by aliens, but shockingly, the extraterrestrials couldn’t undress him. “They tried everything,” he insists, “lasers, mind control, even the universal universal unzipper. Nothing worked.” Sources close to the Alien Bureau of Intergalactic Fashion report that this is a first in their abduction archives, where victims typically arrive in matching space pajamas.

Experts speculate the aliens were fazed not by any supernatural force, but by the sheer complexity of 21st-century clothing. “It’s probably the new-age stretch fabrics and a labyrinth of buttons,” noted a puzzled alien anthropologist. Others believe it was a bold intergalactic statement—maybe a cosmic “hands-off” policy on personal boundaries.

Meanwhile, the man says he made a daring escape, leaving the aliens with a UFO full of unanswered questions—and a laundry bill they never expected. As for the chilling reason behind the indecipherable wardrobe? “Let’s just say,” he whispered, “my socks had more secrets than Area 51.” Ground control to fashion police: we’ve got a mystery.