In a stunning display of athletic indecision, Brandon Arrington—the nation’s speediest future cornerback/track star/superhuman hybrid—has shattered the suspense by choosing Texas A&M, the land of Aggies, cows, and questionable weather forecasts. Sources say Arrington, who clocked a near-light-speed 100-meter dash while simultaneously scouting for the best BBQ joint en route to his commitment, finally settled on A&M after an intense mental coin toss that involved a Rubik's cube and a spirited debate with his pet goldfish.

The Aggies, renowned for their sophisticated cattle-herding and ability to transform raw talent into NFL-ready cornerbacks, reportedly celebrated Arrington's commitment with a solemn yodel echoing across the plains. Coaches have compared his speed and length to Will Lee, because nothing says “future NFL star” like being told you’re basically an Aggie clone from the past.

Meanwhile, the other top prospects are still locked in a gladiatorial battle of visits and commitments, which includes trips to every college campus seemingly located within a 500-mile radius. Arrington's pledge conveniently narrows the field so Texas A&M fans can finally stop refreshing ESPN’s recruiting tracker every five minutes and start planning their championship parades two years early. Somewhere, a confused recruiter from Oregon is whispering, “Wait, he was ours?”