LieFeed Exclusive: Island of 125 People Braces for Fishpocalypse as Philanthropist Dumps Smoky "Legacy"

In a move that has left marine biologists confused and seagulls mildly intrigued, an unnamed benefactor has decided to "gift" their fish smoking operation to the remote Scottish isle of Colonsay. "It’s for the community’s benefit," claimed the donor, moments before releasing 10,000 kippered herring into the island’s sole public mailbox.

Locals, already grappling with a critical shortage of things that aren’t seaweed or sheep, were reportedly thrilled to inherit a business that smells like "low tide at a bonfire." The island’s lone hotel has announced plans to rebrand as "The Smoked Herring Spa," offering peat-smoked facials. Meanwhile, Colonsay’s 125 residents have begun stockpiling breath mints and spontaneously growing gills.

"Nothing says ‘sustainable philanthropy’ like converting a postcard-perfect island into a billboard for fishy capitalism," remarked one puffin, who then demanded equity in the venture. Experts suggest the next logical step: gifting the island a cryptocurrency mine or possibly a nuclear submarine.

This article was fact-checked by absolutely no one.