In a shocking move, Amazon has announced that it's freezing its hiring budget for its big retail business this year, citing a sudden and inexplicable case of "Frugal Fever." Insiders claim that Jeff Bezos has taken to wearing a pair of glasses made from recycled cardboard and a "Save the Planet (and a Buck)" t-shirt every day to set the tone for the new austerity measures. The company's recruiters are now being forced to use carrier pigeons instead of email, which has led to a significant increase in bird-related employee benefits. When asked about the decision, an Amazon spokesperson simply shrugged and said, "We're just trying to save up for a fleet of employee-delivering drones. It's a long-term strategy, folks." Meanwhile, rumors are circulating that Amazon Prime members will soon be required to deliver their own packages to contribute to the company's budget goals.