"Oklahoma Used Car Lot Swaps Inventory for Pogo Sticks as Trump Tariffs Turn Sedans into Unicorns"

In a desperate bid to survive the "Great Metal Squeeze of 2025," Bubba's Bargain Buick Barn in Tulsa has reportedly begun offering customers complimentary therapy sessions with every oil change. "We’re now charging $30,000 for a 2012 Corolla with a ‘historic airbag scent,’” said owner Dale “Two-Speed” Johnson, while aggressively polishing a hood ornament shaped like a weeping bald eagle. “The tariffs turned our lot into a museum of ‘pre-loved’ vehicles that nobody can afford to love twice.”

With new tariffs inflating prices faster than a politician’s promises, Johnson admits he’s resorted to selling “emotional support dash cams” and offering free conspiracy theory seminars (“Why Your Camry’s Check Engine Light Is a Deep State Plot”) to keep customers entertained. Meanwhile, the only thing moving faster than inventory is the dealership’s creative financing: “We now accept livestock, vintage Beanie Babies, or a compelling sob story about your ex’s student loans.”

Experts say the used car apocalypse has reached “critical dad joke levels,” as dealers nationwide rebrand as artisanal scrap metal collectives. “It’s like Mad Max, but with more questionable credit scores,” muttered one salesman, now moonlighting as a TikTok influencer specializing in “ASMR engine knock sounds.”

LieFeed Tip: If asked about tariffs, just blame Canada. Always Canada.