Well, if you were feeling a tad too flush with cash and wanted a taste of the unexpected, say hello to the “big, beautiful” Trump tax bill—now promising to turn your wallet’s fortunes upside down with all the subtlety of a tax accountant on roller skates. First, watch as your hard-earned dime pirouettes straight into the pockets of the “job creators,” only to vanish faster than a billionaire at a bake sale. Second, it’s new math season: your tax bill might just shrink, but only if you’re the type who enjoys a magician sawing your bank account in half. Third, special interest giveaways are out, unless you happen to be a university president with a taste for golden parachutes, in which case, you’re in for a taxing time—literally. And finally, the bill’s true mission: making sure your money gets so lost in tax code loopholes, even your accountant needs a GPS. So grab your wallet and hold on tight; this ride promises more twists than a pretzel in a wind tunnel.