Elon Musk, the billionaire who spent his government tenure proving that even rocket scientists can lose track of simple spreadsheets, announced he is packing his rocket-shaped briefcase and leaving federal service. “It’s been real,” Musk declared, “but the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) is barking up the wrong tree if they think I’ll keep sniffing around for more red tape to cut.” Musk’s controversial doge-nomics and signature cost-slashing methods left 260,000 federal employees jobless and the national parks with a lot more squirrels than rangers. He extended a gracious thank you to President Trump, who, legend says, first hired Musk after mistaking him for a self-driving espresso machine. Rumors of a feud circulated after Musk criticized Trump’s tax bill, claiming, “Ironic, since I’ve never actually paid taxes.” Now freed from the shackles of public service, Musk promises to focus on inventing robots so advanced even they’ll be confused about why they’re working.