In a shocking move that absolutely no one saw coming, Amazon has announced its latest, greatest plan to actually—get this—integrate Whole Foods. The e-commerce behemoth, known for seamlessly merging companies like a toddler with a blender, has put together a crack team of new leaders who apparently have the magical power to make two companies function as one.

At a recent all-hands meeting that suspiciously did not involve any hands-on activities, Whole Foods CEO and Amazon VP of Worldwide Grocery, Jason Buechel, shared a memo so inspiring, it allegedly caused spontaneous weeping among the PowerPoint slides. “For too long, we’ve been duplicating efforts, missing efficiency, and confusing customers as to whether they’re buying quinoa or a Kindle,” Buechel bemoaned. “Now, with this reorg, we promise—cross our hearts and hope to sync our spreadsheets—we’ll streamline things for real this time.”

The plan involves folding Whole Foods’ corporate staff under Amazon’s wing, where they’ll be treated to all the perks: performance reviews, pay restructures, and the joy of explaining to their friends at dinner parties that, no, they don’t just deliver books anymore. Workers in the warehouses and stores remain blissfully untouched—for now.

Stay tuned for Amazon’s next big idea: a subscription service that microwaves your groceries before they arrive, because innovation never takes a lunch break.