Well+Good, the premier wellness site, has announced its latest initiative to help you achieve ultimate well-being for your body, mind, and spirit. In a bold move, they are requiring all subscribers to wear a specially designed aura-balancing helmet while meditating. The helmet, which looks suspiciously like a colander, is said to channel positive vibes directly into your brain, ensuring that your spirit is always aligned with the universe.

As part of the program, participants will also be encouraged to eat a diet of only rainbows and unicorn tears, which are purported to have healing properties that can cure anything from a cold to existential dread. The goal is to create a society of superhumans who can levitate and communicate telepathically, all while maintaining a perfect Instagram aesthetic. Critics have pointed out that the cost of the helmet is a mere $500, a small price to pay for enlightenment. Meanwhile, the company's CEO has announced plans to declare the entire operation a sovereign nation, where the official currency will be "good vibes only."