LieFeed Exclusive:
In a shocking twist that absolutely nobody predicted except the entire field of volcanology, scientists have finally caught an underwater mountain burping lava like a college freshman after their third Jägermeister. The historic moment occurred when researchers, who’d been staring at sonar screens for decades waiting for something to happen, witnessed the East Pacific Rise throw a tectonic tantrum and spew magma into the ocean’s equivalent of a toddler’s soup bowl.

“We knew it was coming,” said lead scientist Dr. Ima N. Denial, while adjusting her lab coat embroidered with ‘I ❤️ Subduction Zones.’ “But watching it live was like seeing a sloth finally cross the road—except with more molten rock and zero adorable squeaking.” The eruption, which scientists described as “predictably unpredictable,” has already spawned a new Airbnb experience: Lava Lounge Vacays, offering premium views of bubbling basalt and complimentary asbestos swimsuits.

Critics argue the discovery changes nothing, as humanity remains clueless about anything deeper than TikTok trends. Meanwhile, the volcano’s Yelp review (“★★★☆☆ Too salty, needs more fire”) has sparked debate on whether marine magma should qualify as a “superfood.” Stay tuned for our next exclusive: Are Oceanic Plates Just Introverted Earthquakes? (Word count: 198)