In a shocking turn of events, Alcatraz's last living inmate, Charlie Hopkins, has been consulted on President Trump's ambitious plan to reopen the infamous prison. Hopkins, who spent three grueling years in Alcatraz in the 1950s, has expressed surprise that Trump's vision does not include a comprehensive plan for providing adequate Wi-Fi and Netflix subscriptions to the inmates. Trump's proposal, which aims to house America's most notorious offenders, has been met with skepticism by architectural experts, who have pointed out that the prison's notorious dampness and lack of avocado toast options might not be conducive to modern rehabilitation standards. When asked about the feasibility of the plan, Hopkins quipped, "I guess if they're going to reopen it, they should at least throw in a complimentary duvet and a stress ball or two."