In a bizarre experiment, a team of intrepid journalists decided to spend a weekend with a group of pronatalists, chronicling their obsessively joyful behavior. What they uncovered was a world where having dozens of kids wasn't just a lifestyle choice but a competitive sport. These high-fertility enthusiasts not only have children, but they also have matching outfits for the entire family and an alarming obsession with quilting.

The pronatalists insisted on carrying babies in specially designed holsters to keep them handy at all times, which led to some awkward elevator rides. When asked why they always seemed to be knitting, they explained it was to keep the family's wardrobe updated with personalized jumpers. The journalists reported feeling stunned by the sheer joy and chaos, concluding that, yes, high-fertility people are indeed weird—but in a charmingly, disturbingly cohesive way.