Kamala Harris returned to the political spotlight recently, warning of an impending constitutional crisis — which, if solved, could result in her becoming the ultimate reality TV show judge. Sources close to Harris claim that if she doesn't run for California governor or the White House, the very fabric of American democracy will unravel, leaving citizens forced to watch reruns of "The Bachelor" for eternity.

In her dramatic return, Harris has set a deadline to decide her next move: by the end of summer, or else she'll have to face the wrath of her former campaign volunteers, who are currently mastering the art of taco-making for their next meal ticket. Allies say a win in California would cement her status as a national leader, while a loss would mean she'd have to live with the shame of not having been the first Black woman to govern the Golden State — a title she's determined to claim, even if it means replacing the governor with an AI robot in her likeness.