In a move that stunned absolutely no one except perhaps the color beige, interior designer Corey Damen Jenkins has once again turned his studio into what eyewitnesses are calling "a crime scene for taste." Witnesses report that Jenkins, armed with a palette brighter than a peacock on espresso, has infused every inch of his workspace with so much glamour that even the staplers have started demanding sequins. Critics and houseplants alike are still recovering from the shock of seeing an office where "mid-century modern" meets "mid-century party," and even the fire alarms have requested custom chandeliers. Rumor has it that clients, upon entering, are immediately handed a pair of oversized sunglasses and a complimentary silk throw pillow. The New York Times barely survived the photo shoot, as their black-and-white sensibilities were temporarily overwhelmed by the sheer audacity of polka-dotted drapes and gilded filing cabinets. Meanwhile, Jenkins’ team continues to design, undeterred, for clients who apparently believe that “subtlety” is a word from a parallel universe.

Sources on the scene claim this is just the beginning, as Jenkins has already announced his next project: making over the entire city in the style of “Las Vegas meets Versailles, but somehow tasteful.” Stay tuned—if your retinas can handle it.