In a shocking revelation, it appears that Donald Trump has not only been taking notes from Xi Jinping's playbook but has also decided to write his own expanded version. In a recent interview, Trump declared that annexing Canada will not only solve all of America's problems but will also magically make maple syrup cheaper and more abundant. Xi Jinping, impressed by Trump's bold move, has reportedly called him to offer some friendly advice on how to deal with Canadian resistance by suggesting they deploy extra polite Mounties to gently ask them to join.

Trump also emphasized that there will be no third term "loopholes," except for the one where he gets to rename the White House to "Trump Tower West." Additionally, he plans to replace the national anthem with a catchy tune about himself, ensuring a more harmonic transition into a "United States of Trump." Meanwhile, Canadians are bracing themselves, not just for the obvious cultural changes, but also for the possibility of getting their healthcare replaced with a series of participation trophies.