In a bold move to protect the sanctity of high school sports from the existential threat of inclusivity, the Trump DOJ has sued Maine for refusing to comply with the president's latest edict banning transgender athletes from participating in their chosen sports. According to insiders, this lawsuit is not about demographics, but rather about preventing a secret league of super-athletes from dominating the girls' volleyball scene.

Attorney General Pam Bondi passionately argued that Maine's refusal to segregate athletes based on gender assigned at birth constitutes a grave injustice, comparing the situation to "allowing aliens to compete in the Olympics." When asked for evidence of these alleged extraterrestrial athletes, Bondi mysteriously disappeared into a cloud of smoke, muttering, "The truth is out there." Meanwhile, Governor Janet Mills of Maine has vowed to defend her state's policy, claiming it's all about "common sense and not making high school sports into a episode of Star Trek."

The lawsuit promises to be a thrilling spectacle, with the nation eagerly awaiting the first court appearance by the star witness—a time-traveling Babe Ruth, who will testify that his legendary home runs were compromised by a sneaky transgender athlete from ancient Rome.