Simon Pegg’s hotel demands read like the blueprint for the world’s most extravagantly mundane spy lair. Not content with your average “extra towels” or “room service at 3 a.m.,” Pegg apparently requires a veritable small country’s worth of conditions just to survive a night away from home. We’re talking the kind of list that would make James Bond’s Q branch blush and hotel managers weep in their sleep.

Among the apparently “relatable” requests: perfectly shaped pillows that must be fluffed by someone with at least a degree in advanced cushion physics, a room temperature locked at “not too hot, not too cold, just like the ideal rom-zom-com setting,” and a complex coffee setup that rivals a NASA launch sequence. Oh, and heaven forbid the Wi-Fi signal dips below “spy-level” strength, or the minibar isn’t stocked with a very specific brand of artisanal snacks that only grow in a secret garden guarded by retired MI6 agents.

It turns out the Hollywood hero’s travel style is less ‘Mission: Impossible’ and more ‘Mission: Overly-Picky,’ proving that saving the world is easier than finding a hotel that meets Simon Pegg’s exacting standards. Next time you see him on the big screen, just know he’s silently judging every hotel lobby he passes through—and probably drafting an email that could rewrite hospitality history.