In a shocking turn of events, former Alabama coach Nick Saban and Texas billionaire Cody Campbell have been appointed to "fix" college sports, because clearly, the problem was that there wasn't enough dictatorial control in the NCAA. Their commission, designed by President Donald Trump, aims to tackle issues like athlete compensation and booster payments, but insiders claim the real agenda is to turn college sports into a dystopian reality TV show.

Saban, notorious for his affection for the "good old days," plans to introduce a new system where athletes must compete in medieval jousting tournaments to earn their scholarships. Meanwhile, Campbell will oversee the construction of a giant, Texas-sized NIL ATM machine that dispenses cash to athletes if they wear a cowboy hat during games. Critics argue that this will only further unbalance the playing field, but Saban and Campbell are confident that their vision will bring order to the chaotic world of college sports. Or, at the very least, create a really entertaining reality TV series.