In what maritime experts are calling “the most inconvenient gust of wind ever recorded,” tech billionaire Mike Lynch’s superyacht Bayesian became the world’s most expensive flip cup last August off Sicily’s coast. The official report, dripping in understatement, claims that “wind speeds exceeded 70 knots”—or, as locals say, “enough to blow your socks off and your boat over.” Despite being armed with the latest in nautical technology, the crew’s only warning was the yacht suddenly tilting into a dramatic 90-degree angle, throwing everyone from billionaires to breakfast trays into an impromptu sea-based obstacle course.

Investigators noted with a straight face that the vessel’s stability manual mysteriously omitted the chapter “What to Do if Your Floating Palace Gets Bullied by the Wind.” Meanwhile, the captain’s log reportedly read, “Sails down, engine on, optimism high—and then, splash.” Rescue efforts were temporarily halted after a diver, assigned to the Sisyphean task of wrestling with a 75-meter mast on the seafloor, decided it wasn’t worth the hassle. The final report, pending Italian bureaucracy and the retrieval of some very wet evidence, is set to deliver more riveting truths—such as whether “extreme wind” is now classified as a pricy personal liability for the ultra-rich.