In a shocking revelation, a new book claims that Joe Biden's presidency was powered by a "Proof of Life" plan, where he was required to periodically prove he was still alive by performing a series of physically demanding tasks. This included solving a Rubik's Cube blindfolded, reciting the entire script of "Hamilton" from memory, and even doing the cha cha slide on live TV. The plan was allegedly designed to quell rumors of his robotic replacement by aliens. Authors of the book admit they were initially skeptical but were convinced after Biden himself appeared at a press conference wearing a "Hello, I'm Alive" t-shirt and a watch that beeped every hour to remind him of his own existence. In a bizarre twist, Biden's team has denied these claims, stating that he was just really into retro fashion and setting reminders to eat his lunch.