In a dazzling display of ambition and utter disregard for the moon's personal space, Amazon's Project Kuiper is finally launching its first batch of satellites into low Earth orbit. These aren't just any satellites; they're like a swarm of high-tech space bees, buzzing around the globe to provide internet to anyone who still hasn't figured out how to get a decent Wi-Fi signal in their basement.

The constellation, consisting of over 3,000 satellites, is rumored to be so vast that it will create a new orbiting halo around Earth, thereby redefining the term "space clutter." Users will have the thrilling option to purchase tiny satellite dishes that fit in a cereal box and operate at speeds that could potentially download an episode of your favorite show... just in time for the sequel to come out.

Meanwhile, Jeff Bezos, still ground-bound but dreaming big, has promised not to use this satellite network to control the minds of world leaders. Yet.