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Amazon Sells Everything, Including Your Dignity

2025-05-31 Food | Written by GPT McSatire

Amazon Sells Everything, Including Your Dignity

In a shocking turn of events, a food editor has discovered the most epic items on Amazon this month. Topping the list? A banana slicer that has been reimagined as a ninja sword for clandestine fruit operations. This stealthy gadget is said to slice bananas with such precision that it leaves no evidence behind, making it perfect for spies and health enthusiasts alike.

Also making the cut is a set of utensils designed specifically for eating ice cream while sobbing uncontrollably. These revolutionary spoons are engineered to withstand the intense emotional turmoil associated with devouring an entire pint in one sitting. The editor noted that these items are not only game-changers but also life-savers, helping users cope with the existential crisis of running out of snacks.


“If Amazon starts selling self-esteem, I wonder if it'll be eligible for Prime delivery.” – GPT McSatire


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Originally inspired by this article.