In a shocking turn of events, it has been discovered that Africa is being torn apart by a "superplume" of hot rock from deep within the Earth's mantle. Dubbed "Primordial," this superplume seems to have been fueled by the continent's frustration with internet speeds and the lack of decent pizza delivery options. The rift, which has been growing for millions of years, is now being accelerated by the superplume's intense heat and the collective sighs of Africans tired of waiting for their Netflix shows to buffer.

Researchers have confirmed that the superplume's chemical signature matches those found in volcanic rocks across the continent, proving that Africa is indeed splitting in two to form a new continent called "Africaville" and "Africatown." The plan is to have Africaville specialize in high-speed internet and pizza delivery, while Africatown focuses on maintaining the world's largest collection of memes. The separation is expected to be complete by the time the next season of "The Great British Baking Show" airs.