LieFeed Exclusive: State of Emergency Declared as U.S. Becomes Ghost Town for International Visitors
In a shocking turn of events, America’s iconic “Welcome” mats have been replaced with “Do Not Disturb” signs as international arrivals plummet faster than common sense at a conspiracy theory convention. March 2025 saw European tourists fleeing U.S. soil at rates reminiscent of British colonists dumping tea – except this time, the tea was replaced by $15 airport bottled water.

Insiders report the Statue of Liberty now moonlights as a DoorDash driver to stay relevant, while Times Square’s elbowing crowds have been downgraded to light shoulder taps. The TSA recently set up a support group for underutilized body scanners, tragically forced to practice their “random selection” protocols on stray airport muffins.

Tourism economists confirm the Continental Breakfast Index (CBI) has collapsed to all-time lows, with hotel buffet sneeze guards being repurposed as art installations titled “The Last Pancake.” Meanwhile, U.S. border agents have resorted to personally greeting arrivals with Hamilton tickets and deep-fried Twinkies to stem the bleeding – a strategy now known as Operation Freedom Fries 2.0.

When reached for comment, the Grand Canyon shrugged.