In a bold move to confuse travelers, the U.S. State Department has unveiled its Travel Advisory System, a magical color-coded wheel of fortune that determines if you should pack a parachute or a pedicure kit for your next trip. The system is divided into four levels, starting with Level 1: Exercise Normal Precautions, which is code for "Don't worry, but do bring a snack." Level 2: Exercise Increased Caution means you should keep your wits about you, but not your phone, because it might get lost in the panic. Level 3: Reconsider Travel is essentially a warning that you might need to reconsider your life choices if you go there. Finally, Level 4: Do Not Travel is the ultimate mystery box—where you might find yourself in a thrilling game of survival. The system is complete with risk indicators, like C for Crime, T for Terrorism, and H for Health, because who needs a vacation without a little existential dread?