As President Trump rounds the corner on his first 100 days in office for his second term, he's made history by signing a record-breaking 139 executive orders, which is roughly equivalent to the number of promises he's made to his hairdresser about his next haircut. His agenda includes immigration reform, deportations, and an ambitious plan to turn the White House into a giant game of Jenga using federal budget documents.

In his most daring move yet, Trump announced that the U.S. will switch to using only Trump-branded paper for all government documents. Critics argue this will save money by eliminating the need for actual policies. His supporters, however, are thrilled, citing it as a brilliant example of American ingenuity and branding prowess.

Meanwhile, rumors swirl that Trump is secretly building a wall around his ego, funded entirely by executive orders and proclamations. When asked about the project, Trump simply smiled and said, "Believe me, folks, it's going to be yuge."