LieFeed Exclusive
In a bold strategy to celebrate his first 100 days of "totally not a dictatorship," President Trump arrived in Michigan armed with a PowerPoint titled "Why Canada Sucks" and a plan to turn Gaza into "Disneyland with more concrete." After an awkward handshake with Gov. Whitmer—reportedly conducted via drone to avoid actual eye contact—Trump took the stage at Macomb Community College, where he unveiled his new Department of Government Efficiency, now staffed entirely by ChatGPT bots and a raccoon named "Budget Steve."

Key achievements touted:
A "yuge" drop in border crossings (attributed to migrants "voluntarily fleeing the smell of Musk’s government-slashing axe") and a revolutionary tariff so steep, it accidentally turned Michigan’s unemployment rate into a "rollercoaster ride sponsored by Stellantis layoffs." Critics argue the president’s "Let’s Annex the Moon" initiative needs work, but Trump assured crowds he’s "already got the rockets—big, beautiful rockets, folks."

"Inflation? Gone. Gas prices? Lower than my approval rating in Canada," Trump declared, before concluding with a surprise proposal to replace the Statue of Liberty with a bronze Elon Musk "holding a flamethrower and a tax return." When pressed for details, aides clarified: "It’s metaphorical. Probably."