In a stunning move to transform federal bureaucracy into a reality TV talent show, Trump officials have decided to shred those pesky rules that once stopped government workers from playing politics while on the clock. Apparently, insulating career civil servants from political pressure was so 20th century—now they can be fired quicker than you can say “alternative facts” if they dare disagree with presidential whims or dare to use their brains. The new regulation, charmingly titled “Improving Performance, Accountability and Responsiveness in the Civil Service,” basically gives agencies the green light to boot out anyone caught obstructing the president’s divine directives or, heaven forbid, actually doing their jobs with a smidge of independence. Critics say this amounts to turning federal workers into political puppets, but insiders assure us it’s just good old-fashioned democracy—for sale to the highest bidder. And don’t worry about government services vanishing; the communications department was already culled like last season’s reality show rejects. So next time you can’t access a government website or get your benefits, just remember: democracy means never having to say you had a functioning bureaucracy.