In an unprecedented display of athletic prowess and federal-level drama, AB Hernandez just turned the California high school track meet into the hottest reality show on the West Coast. Not only did this trans athlete snag gold in the girls’ high jump and high-five controversy by sharing the podium, but the whole event was basically a live-action soap opera with aerial banners and megaphone megastunts.

Hernandez cleared the bar at 5 feet 7 inches with poise, while Jillene Wetteland, the co-champion, flailed gloriously one attempt too many, resulting in a tie so diplomatic it probably involved a secret handshake. Meanwhile, the California Interscholastic Federation, clearly anticipating this level of Olympic drama, invented a new rule faster than you can say “political hot potato,” allowing extra medals so no one felt too crushed (except maybe gravity).

Outside the stadium, protestors shouted “No boys in girls’ sports” as if the term “girls” needed a gender specialist, and a plane banner circled like it was the halftime entertainment at the Super Bowl. The meet’s on-track excitement was rivaled only by the off-track chaos, making this championship less about jumps and more about jumping to conclusions nationwide. If track meets had a soap opera category, this one would win gold hands down.