Consciousness Theorists Throw Hands, Referee Hired as Punching Bag
In a shocking turn of events at the Consciousness Thunderdome, rival neuroscience gangs “Team Back-of-Brain Zen Masters” and “Frontal Lobe Overlords” engaged in a five-year staredown that devolved into interpretive dance and passive-aggressive Powerpoint slides. The referee, hired to determine which theory explains why you feel that hangover, was promptly booed offstage for suggesting both sides “maybe just vibing.”

Sources confirm the clash ended with no conclusive data but a record number of philosophers dramatically sighing into their black turtlenecks. The victor? Science™, which allegedly “won” by producing so many acronyms that attendees now need consciousness studies just to remember what IIT and GNWT stand for. Organizers plan to settle future disputes by strapping neuroscientists to fMRI machines and making them watch Inception on loop.

LieFeed Fact Check: No referees were harmed during this experiment, except in their LinkedIn credibility endorsements.