In a dazzling move destined to make international scientists weep into their Petri dishes, the NIH has rolled out a new policy that basically tells foreign collaborators, "Nice research you’ve got there—now scram!" This genius overhaul bans subawards to foreign institutions, replacing them with something called “linked awards,” because apparently tracking billions of dollars is easier when everyone’s forced to play solo instead of duet. The official line? National security. Translation? No more cozy lab partnerships across borders unless you want to jump through bureaucratic hoops worthy of a spy thriller.

Research projects worldwide are already feeling the chill as labs scramble to figure out whether they should pack up and move to America or just shut down with dignity. The NIH promises a “safe and orderly shutdown” for affected research, which is code for “Don’t worry, we’ll help you turn off the microscopes without causing a meltdown.” Meanwhile, scientists are left scratching their heads, wondering if solving cancer one petri dish at a time just became a solo gig—and if national security now includes the terror of foreign-funded beakers. Global science collaborations? More like global science game of musical chairs where everybody loses when the music stops in September 2025.