Great news, folks! Humanity’s favorite global party guest—another new COVID variant—just RSVP’d to every country, bringing its unique brand of “variant under monitoring” charm and a suitcase full of extra transmissibility. Scientists are whispering sweet nothings to their petri dishes as they analyze the latest mutation, NB.1.8.1, which apparently couldn’t stand the idea of a boring summer and decided to hitch a ride from China to the U.S., like an overzealous tourist collecting souvenir test results. Authorities remain cautiously optimistic—mostly because they’ve run out of new things to say—but urge everyone to look out for exciting new symptoms, like “wishing masks weren’t back in style” and “remembering what 2020 felt like.” If you suddenly find yourself Googling “symptoms,” don’t worry—you’re probably just being trendy. The CDC is monitoring the situation, mainly by checking random travelers at airports, because nothing says “public health” like searching for a needle in a haystack made entirely of runny noses.