Well, folks, in a nation already choking on hot takes and cold brews, the quest to crown the 10 Must-Visit Pizzerias in the US is now complete—because apparently, we can’t even let pizza escape our insatiable need for rankings. According to “experts” who probably never met a slice they didn’t Instagram, these aren’t just good pizza joints; they are essential life experiences—like marriage, kids, or bankruptcy, but with mozzarella.

You’ll find them in places so trendy, even the flour is locally sourced and the yeast is fermented by a Brooklyn hipster named Chad. If you don’t check these off your bucket list, you’ll have to explain to your therapist why you aren’t living your best life. Go ahead, stuff yourself for “the culture”—because nothing says commitment like waiting in line for three hours for a 12-inch pie covered in “artisanal regret.” And remember, if you don’t post it, did you even eat it? Move over, national monuments—America just found its real tourist destinations. Bon appétease.