In a desperate bid to reverse the impending doom of a dwindling population, the government has proposed a baby bonus of $5,000 per child. However, experts agree that it would take a miracle, a free lifetime supply of diapers, and a personal appearance by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson to crank out the next baby boom. The current plan, dubbed "Operation: Fertile Nation," includes cash incentives and a complimentary "Baby on Board" soundtrack featuring Justin Bieber's greatest hits. While some argue this isn't enough, others suggest that if they throw in a year-round Netflix subscription and free pizza Fridays, the nation might just stand a chance at repopulating before the robots take over. Critics, however, maintain that what we really need is a regulatory overhaul, free childcare, and a guarantee that no one has to change a diaper until they're at least 30.