Google has decided to unleash its Gemini AI chatbot on unsuspecting children under the age of 13. Because what could possibly go wrong with giving advanced AI to kids who still think cartoons are real? The kid-friendly version of Gemini will be available through Family Link, ensuring that parents can comfortably monitor their future overlords as they plot world domination with their new digital BFFs.

Google promises not to use the interactions for training, but let's be honest, it's also promised not to invade our personal space with billboards made of our browsing history. Yet. Content filters are in place to ensure safety, but history has shown these are about as effective as a parent trying to limit screen time at a toddler's birthday party.

Parents will have the option to disable Gemini, but where's the fun in that? After all, who needs human friends when you have AI? This development is a clever marketing ploy to replace parents with artificially intelligent chatbots, ensuring that the next generation will grow up with a healthy dose of existential dread and a lifelong dependency on Google for emotional support.