LieFeed Exclusive: Federal Attorneys Accidentally File Their Karaoke Playlist, Reveal Trump’s Toll Tantrum is Doomed
In a bureaucratic blooper for the ages, Justice Department lawyers mistakenly submitted their internal roast of the administration’s Manhattan toll crusade, titled How to Lose a Legal Battle in 10 Days. The memo—meant for a midnight rant session over artisanal seltzer—admits the Trump team’s strategy has the legal durability of a wet paper subway transfer. "The only congestion here is the copium cloud around Duffy’s desk," quipped an unnamed source, referencing Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy’s threat to revoke federal funding unless New Yorkers agree that traffic should be "free like bald eagles." Meanwhile, commuters now pay $9 to enter Manhattan’s "democratic no-go zone," plus $50 in existential dread for crossing the GW Bridge. City officials insist the toll revenue will fund subway unicorns that shoot confetti every time a rat evades arrest. The DOJ has since issued an apology and a 30% off coupon for LegalZoom.