"Citizens Overwhelmingly Vote ‘Meh’ in National Survey of Voter Enthusiasm"
Australia’s federal election has been officially certified as the nation’s most nap-inducing political event since the Great Marmite Tax Debate of 1998. Voters, when asked to summarize the campaign, responded with thrilling descriptors like “underwhelming,” “a bit odd,” and “did I leave the oven on?” The final leaders’ debate – watched by a record-breaking 811,000 insomniacs – saw Anthony Albanese clinch victory by merely staying upright longer than a potted fern. Meanwhile, Peter Dutton’s campaign strategy of “existing menacingly near a microphone” fell tragically short, culminating in him losing his seat to a candidate whose name voters still can’t recall. Electoral analysts confirm the election was indeed “weird,” citing moments when even the ballot papers seemed to sigh audibly. One voter remarked, “It’s like choosing between a lukewarm meat pie and a slightly warmer meat pie, but the pie has opinions about interest rates.” Experts advise caffeine consumption ahead of the next polls.