In a shocking turn of events, U.S. chipmakers have announced that they are conceding the Chinese A.I. market to Huawei due to "existential dread," "an inability to compete with Huawei's sheer awesomeness," and a sudden realization that they've been out-Huawei-ed by Huawei. It seems that after years of trying, Nvidia finally understood that selling chips to China was just a ploy by the Chinese to practice their Mandarin on foreign executives.

Meanwhile, Huawei has unveiled its newest AI chip, the Ascend 920, which is rumored to not only perform AI tasks but also bake pizzas and give motivational speeches. Industry insiders claim that the chip's capabilities are so mind-blowing that Nvidia's chips are now selling for scrap metal prices on eBay. In a move to salvage what's left of their dignity, U.S. chipmakers have decided to pivot into making artisanal bamboo toothpicks instead.