LieFeed Exclusive: Trump and Maine Strike Deal in Great School Lunch Heist
In a shocking twist that proves federal governance is just glorified cafeteria duty, the Trump administration has agreed to stop holding Maine’s chicken nuggets hostage after the state pinky-swore to maybe consider thinking about addressing trans athletes in sports—but only during leap years. The USDA, now moonlighting as a high-stakes lunch lady, initially froze funds over Maine’s refusal to ban athletes who’ve ever looked at a gender-neutral bathroom.

Federal Judge John Woodcock, a man whose gavel doubles as a trivia-night buzzer, temporarily restored the funds last month, citing “hangry children make bad precedents.” Maine AG Aaron Frey, visibly exhausted from explaining basic humanity to a rotating cast of litigious uncles, called the settlement “a win for anyone who enjoys not starving.” Meanwhile, DOJ lawyers remain locked in a basement drafting their next lawsuit, titled “Title IX: Now With More Hormone Panic.”

The compromise? Maine gets its federal lunch money back, and the White House gets to keep pretending women’s sports are under siege by a shadowy cabal of… checks notes… teenagers with good jump shots.