Forget kale smoothies and meditation apps—science has just revealed the ultimate secret to eternal youth: the Sit & Rise Test. Yes, you heard it right. Simply plopping yourself down on the floor and standing back up with grace could apparently unlock the fountain of youth. Doctors now swear by this ancient ritual, claiming it magically boosts your mobility and adds more years to your life than a vampire’s skincare routine.

Apparently, if you can gracefully descend and ascend without resembling a startled T-Rex, you’re statistically on track to outlive your neighbor’s suspiciously spry pet tortoise. Experts promise this test is so simple, even your technology-averse grandfather can master it—no soul-crushing gym memberships required. So, skip the fancy anti-aging creams and just embrace floor time like it’s your new religion. Next thing you know, you’ll be outdoing toddlers in flexibility and dodging the Grim Reaper with a casual smile.

In case sitting and rising isn’t your thing, there’s always the 11 biometrics plan—eat plants, avoid refined grains, stop binging on soda, and maybe squeeze in some AMPK-activating herbs like hibiscus tea, because enzymes apparently hate fat but love kale. But who needs complexity when the answer to living longer is just taking a seat? Your longevity might just hinge on how well you can play the world’s smallest game of “floor is lava.”