In a stunning twist that has surely puzzled both legal scholars and late-night comedians, the Justice Department has apparently decided to moonlight as Donald Trump’s personal hype squad, pushing his gospel on religion, sports, and—wait for it—antisemitism. Because nothing says impartial justice like a government agency adopting the former president’s agenda as their own, right? Rumor has it they're drafting a new executive order mandating that all basketball games start with a prayer circle and that every antisemitic incident be met with a vigorous applause track. To top it off, they’ve appointed a motley crew including Yehuda Kaploun, a businessman-cum-antisemitism-buster, Mark Walker, the religious freedom warrior who apparently moonlights as a pastor and cape-wearer, and Billy Marshall III, who’s been handed the prison key with promises to “motivate” inmates by reciting the Constitution backwards. Somewhere in a secret basement, officials are busy rewriting the rulebook on how to blend faith, foul shots, and fighting hate into a single, baffling government cocktail. If this sounds like a plot twist from a political sitcom, well, welcome to reality—or at least the Justice Department’s idea of it. Critics say it does nothing to keep anyone safe, but hey, at least the agenda’s clear: sports, prayers, and political theater for all![2][1]